User Profile

I'm a 35 yr old female starting an online journal for the 1st time. I am entering a new chapter in my life. I went from being in a beautiful marriage & having everything a girl could ask for to losing everything due to my poor choices. We bought our first home, moved my mother & great grandmother in & started our new life with the extended family. Next thing you know my 16 yr. old step daughter moves in, (now things started getting cramped with all of the animals on top of it). I tried to take care of everyone & everything. When I finally figured out I couldn't I was introduced to this little blue pill. Man, this blue (muffin) as some call it DID MAKE ME SUPERWOMAN !! I thought I was handling everything. Husband, Work, House, Extended Family, the Animals, little did I know that chasing this little blue pill consumed so much of my time that I was neglecting everything. At first it was just a weekend thing with hubby & friends, before I knew it I had to have one to get out of bed, to clean, cook, run errands. One week I got my hands on 70 of them & they were gone in 6 days. I've lost it all. Husband, Mother, Job, House, Friends & 1/2 of everything we worked for. Right now my Husband is back in my life after leaving him 4 times for another man that was part of that addiction. He promised me he would always be there for me if I needed him. I NEED HIM ! I fought leaving here & starting over someowhere else, we all know you can find what you want wherever you are. This is different, I'm going somewhere that has a wonderful support group. They have been through this & know how to help me get clean & get My Life back. My husband is staying behind, we agreed that I need to do this without him in the picture until I'm clean & can make my own rational decisions again. I can only hope he will be joining me in a couple of months. He is truly the love of my life. I've put him through hell & back & he's still standing here, more than I can say for my family or friends. He's truly one of a kind. Right now I'm still feeding my addiction to stop from getting sick. I have to be able to function so I can tie up lose ends & pack my things. I'm taking only enough so I don't end up in bed w/d'ing... I've been down that road & it's not fun.

I feel like this journal may help with this process. It feels good to get things out of my head & onto paper, to share my story, possibly meet others that in some way can relate to what I'm going through. I'm a good person, I have put family & friends before myself most of my life. I need to find that happy medium, put myself first but still be there for the ones I love without feeling like I have to be superwoman & take the weight of the world on my shoulders.

If you have a similiar journey please feel free to share. Support is a wonderful thing.

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